Of course, we all want to be a superhero; balance work, impress our bosses, and give to our loved ones, but how can we put ourselves first? If you feel like your plate is becoming too full and no matter what you do, you can’t seem to catch up, you’re not alone. But it is time to learn how to stop overextending yourself. Today is about choosing your needs from this point onward.
What Does It Mean to Overextend Yourself?
To overextend yourself means you’re saying yes and taking on too many responsibilities and commitments than you can personally handle. For example, while long work weeks are certainly a trigger for overextension, trying to balance your personal life and neglecting your needs can also cause a consistent feeling overwhelm.
7 Warning Signs You’re Overextending Yourself
While everyone is different, there are a few tell-tale signs that you’re overextending yourself and saying yes far too often:
- Mental exhaustion. You feel like you’re on the verge of burnout, and everything feels exhausting and overwhelming.
- Resentment. You may feel angry and resentful toward your loved ones and colleagues.
- Increased worry. You spend a great deal of time worrying about how you’ll balance and maintain all of your commitments.
- Lack of sleep. Even though you’re exhausted, you ironically can’t sleep due to a lack of time, anxiety, and/or stress.
- React often. A slight change in plans or even waiting in line can send you over the edge.
- Desire to quit. Whether you want to quit work or move to a remote island, this feeling indicates overextension.
- Sensitivity stimuli. Because you’re stressed and overworked, your nerves are in a state of shock, and your sensitivity to stimuli like sounds, sights, and aromas increases.
5 Long-Term Consequences of Overextending Yourself
Trying to juggle everything in your life can cause severe long-term consequences if unaddressed.
- Burnout.This work and life adversary has affected 89% of Americans in the past year. When it occurs, you have zero energy to juggle anything.
- Stress.If you’re not managing your stress, it can lead to a chronic condition impacting your ability to manage your personal and work life.
- Exhaustion. You know that feeling when no matter how much sleep you receive, you still feel exhausted? That’s a result of overextension.
- Poor health.A constant state of high cortisol levels negatively impacts your health, including chronic fatigue and pain, heart-related conditions, high blood pressure, and diabetes, to name a few.
- Impaired relationships. When we’ve pushed ourselves to our limits, our relationships, personally and professionally, can become impaired.
7 Tips to Help You Stop Overextending Yourself
1. Dive deeper
The first step to understanding how to stop overextending yourself is to reflect on why you’re taking too much on. Do you feel guilty or ashamed if you say no to someone? What is the fear behind your behavior? For example, if you say no to a loved one, do you worry you will lose the friendship? If so, this could be a sign of an anxious attachment. Diving deep to reach the core of the problem will provide awareness to begin healing your trauma.
2. Reframe how you view relaxation
Next, pay attention to how you view a day off. Do you feel lazy, unproductive, or feel worried you should be doing more? When you have these thoughts, label the emotion {fear, shame, etc.) and find evidence for it. For example, why do you think you’re lazy? Where did this belief come from? Once you start learning how to challenge intrusive thoughts, you’ll reduce their power more and more. Also, reframe to believe free-time is a gift to yourself. This one day creates a ripple effect that will provide more energy, happiness, and increased productivity in the future.
3. What is your motivation
To reduce overextending yourself, you need to define your motivation. In other words, making the necessary changes has to be worth it to you. For example, perhaps you noticed you’re always tired and don’t have the energy or desire to do what you love. Or maybe your relationships are taking a backseat. Whatever the reason, take the time to reflect on your motivation to propel you to grow and make positive changes.
4. Take breaks and check in
Unfortunately, an overnight fix isn’t possible. But it is reasonable to check in with yourself throughout the day and ask what you need. For example, while you’re at work and notice you’re about to scream at the world, take a step back, check-in, take a few mindful breaths, and connect to the present moment. Doing so, even for two minutes, will activate your parasympathetic nervous system and ground you.
5. Learn to be assertive
One of the most effective ways to reduce overextension is through boundaries. This means understanding your limits and saying….no. However, this word can be very frightening, especially if you’ve been a serial people pleaser your whole life. But this one word is powerful and will help you learn how to love yourself more and prioritize your needs. Yet it’s important to start small. For example, start practicing on a loved one you feel comfortable with. If they invite you out and you’re tired, say no and stay in instead. You don’t need to provide an explanation because it’s also okay if you do. Then start climbing up the ladder and using this at work with your colleagues to avoid taking too much on. Over time, it will become easier.
6. Pick one or two things to change
Instead of overwhelming yourself and giving your entire life a makeover, pick one or two things to start. For example, maybe you learn how to delegate to reduce your workload. Or perhaps you start your day with a mindful morning routine to reduce stress. According to James Clear, the habit expert, starting small makes it easy and conditions your brain to keep pivoting towards positive change rather than giving up. So, start small, pick one or two things you can implement, and maintain consistency.
7. Adopt the easier path
Through faulty conditioning and intergenerational trauma, society conditions us to believe that life has to be hard. And if it isn’t, we’re doing something wrong. As a result, we consistently and habitually choose the most difficult path to achieve what we want, whether small or big. But wouldn’t you feel better if you accepted that you’re not perfect, you make mistakes, and it’s okay to speak to yourself kindly and believe things will work out? There’s no need to add more pressure when life already gives us plenty. And when you prioritize yourself more and reduce the notion that you don’t need to work hard 24/7 to be worthy, life will flow more easily and peacefully.
What tips to help you stop overextending yourself can you incorporate into your life? Any step forward, no matter how small, is a source of light that will help you tackle your stress. But remember, it is a journey that involves prioritizing your needs, setting and maintaining boundaries, and making a considerable effort to reduce your work and personal responsibilities.
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