Inappropriate stuff my mother says


Inappropriate stuff my mother says

With Thanksgiving this week, I started thinking about my family, and all of the crazy things my mother says to my sister and me when we’re in close quarters. And then I remembered this post, and I couldn’t resist sharing it with you again.

Hopefully it’ll make you laugh before you pack up the kids and head over to your parents’ place for the holidays…

My parents have arrived for the holidays and, now that the niceties are out of the way, my sister and I are on the edge of our seats waiting for THE MOMENT my mother starts in on us. To be honest, I’m surprised it hasn’t already happened.

But it will.

It always does.

She just has a knack for saying the worst possible things at the worst possible times.

Sometimes it makes me laugh.

Sometimes it upsets me.

Almost all of the time, it embarrasses the heck out of me.

Here is a collection of her best work to date:

After I went on a date with a guy I met at the 50th anniversary of my high school in Asia:
Me: “I had so much fun last night!”
Mom: “I bet he’s married.”

In a crowded elevator in our condo:
Me: “So then I walked into her office and she said . . . ”
Mom: “Are you going grey?”

While trying on bathing suits:
Me: “What do you think?”
Mom: “I’d save up for a boob job if I were you.”

When I told her my best friend from 6th grade was visiting:
Mom: “Has she met The Hubs yet?”
Me: “No! I’m so excited to introduce them!”
Mom: “I’d be careful if I were you.”
Me: “Why?”
Mom: “Because she’s gorgeous!”

When visiting our condo for the first time:
Me: “So, what do you think?”
Mom: “I see HE did all of the decorating . . . ”

While taking her shoes off in our front foyer after not seeing my husband and me in 6 months:
Mom: “Wet paper towel, please!”
Me: “What for?”
Mom: “I want to show you how to get the dust off of the top of this picture.”

During lunch with one of her oldest friends while I was pregnant:
Friend: “Have you decided on a name yet?”
Me: “Not yet.”
Friend: “I like full names that can be shortened, like we did with our daughter. She uses Amanda now, but we still call her Mandy.”
Mom: “I hate the name Mandy. It’s horrible.”

The moment we got home from the hospital after our daughter was born:
Hubs: “Hi, P…”
Mom: “TEA, PLEASE!!!!”

After my (maternal) Grandmother’s funeral:
Me: “That was so sad. How are you doing?”
Mom: “I can’t get emotional about these things. I see it as a natural part of life.”
Me: “Really? Even Dad said he was choked up.”
Mom: “He’s sucked the emotion out of me.”

Surprisingly, there have been very few of these incidences since my daughter was born.

I think she’s afraid I’ll deny her visitation rights.

Does your mother ever say inappropriate things to you?

Oh! Before I forget. Did you know I waste a lot of time sharing funny eCards on Facebook and Pinterest?! It’s true! Click the links below and you can enjoy them, too!


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