Wondering how to respond to the silent treatment? Words can hurt but silence can sometimes speak louder. The silent treatment involves one person refusing to acknowledge or communicate with another. It can be a toxic behaviour used to punish and gain control. And being on the receiving end of the silent treatment can cause extreme anxiety and low self-esteem. If you’re wondering how to deal with it, we’ve rounded up tips for what to do in the moment, when to seek support, and how to set boundaries for the future.
What Is the Silent Treatment?
The silent treatment is when a person refuses to talk to you because they’re angry or upset. It involves not talking to the other person, or in some cases, refusing to acknowledge their existence. It’s often used as a way to punish, manipulate or control, and can be used in friendships, among family members, in romantic relationships and even at work. While it’s understandable for people to need some time to gather their thoughts before responding in an argument, the silent treatment goes beyond that. It includes minimal to no communication that’s drawn out for days, weeks or even months.
The silent treatment can be intentional or unintentional. Sometimes, the person giving the silent treatment doesn’t know how to communicate their anger or hurt so they end up shutting down. They may also be trying to avoid an argument, so instead they opt to bottle up their feelings. The silent treatment can also be used as a form of punishment to try to get revenge or assert power over the other person. Overtime, the use of the silent treatment can become emotionally abusive, especially when it’s used as a punishment.
10 Silent Treatment Examples
- Ignoring texts, DMS, emails or phone calls
- Unfollowing or blocking the other person on social media
- Refusing to engage in conversation while in-person
- Acting like they didn’t hear the other person
- Putting in earbuds to end a conversation
- Blatantly not answering questions when asked
- Walking away from a conversation
- Becoming cold or detached when around the other person
- Avoiding eye contact or physical touch
- Withholding love, affection or praise
5 Negative Impacts of the Silent Treatment
- Anxiety: being on the other side of the silent treatment can cause anxiety and stress, especially if the person doesn’t know what they’ve done wrong. You‘re left wondering what you can do to make things better when you don’t even know what you did wrong in the first place.
- Fear: the silent treatment can lead to the fear of abandonment and loss of the relationship.
- Low self-esteem: the silent treatment can lead to self-doubt and self-blame as well as low confidence. If you already have low self-esteem, being a target of the silent treatment can make it even worse and is particularly challenging.
- Relationship damage: consistent use of the silent treatment can result in a breakdown in trust, emotional distance, and it leaves conflicts unresolved.
- Emotional abuse: the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse, especially when it’s done intentionally, used to punish and continuously done overtime.
How to Respond to the Silent Treatment: 6 Tips to Help
1. Try to Understand and Stay Calm
If someone’s giving you the silent treatment, try to figure out the underlying reason. Are they hurt, angry or overwhelmed? Did you say something or do something to upset them? You may not have done anything, but it’s important to determine if you actually played a part in them shutting down. The silent treatment can be frustrating and hurtful but it’s important to stay as calm as you can. Don’t retaliate with silence and maintain your composure when you address them about it.
2. Prioritize Healthy Communication
It can be tempting to lash out and get angry at the person giving you the silent treatment, but try your best to use healthy communication. Clearly state that the silent treatment is not an acceptable form of communication or a way to solve conflict in your relationship. Stick to “I” statements to express your feelings without placing blame. Try “I understand you’re upset, but the silence is hurting me and I need to communicate with you”. Or “I see you’re purposely ignoring me and it’s making me upset. I’d rather you just tell me what’s bothering you.”
3. Set Boundaries
There’s a difference between needing some space to cool down and blatantly ignoring someone for an unreasonable amount of time. It’s important to determine when silence and space go too far in your relationship. You can acknowledge their feelings but also express how the silence impacts you. Let them know that what they’re doing is hurtful and that you won’t tolerate it in your relationship. You can say sorry if you did something wrong, but never apologize if you didn’t do anything wrong.
4. Reflect on the Relationship
Whether it’s a friend or romantic partner, ask yourself if this is a one-time response or a recurring pattern of behaviour. Does it seem like an issue with communication or is it clear that the silent treatment is being used to control or hurt you? If it happens frequently and leads to significant anxiety and harm, it’s time to consider walking away from the relationship.
5. Practice Self-Care
The silent treatment can really mess with your mind, especially if it’s done regularly to try to manipulate or control you. It’s really important to take care of yourself and prevent emotional burnout. Start journaling, do mindfulness meditation, take walks, and read books on self-love and communication. You can also consider talking to a therapist to help you navigate the situation and keep your mental health in check.
6. Seek Therapy
If the silent treatment continues to be an issue in your relationship, especially a romantic or family relationship, ask if they’re willing to go to therapy with you. This can be really helpful when the silent treatment is symptomatic of deeper emotional or psychological issues. It can be really helpful to get a third-party perspective and get help with healthy communication. A therapist will be able to provide guidance and support in navigating the situation and hopefully help foster a healthier relationship.
Receiving the silent treatment can cause significant harm and emotional distress. Use these tips to respond to the silent treatment and walk away from the relationship if necessary.
This post contains affiliate links.
Did you find this post on how to respond to the silent treatment helpful? We’d appreciate it if you shared it on Pinterest!
Looking for more relationship tips? Make sure to follow our Relationships Board on Pinterest!
