ADHD was once believed to only affect kids (particularly boys), but research shows that adults also struggle with ADHD. ADHD has been underdiagnosed in women since women tend to have less obvious or socially disruptive symptoms than men. They tend to exhibit inattentive ADHD which makes them more likely to forget important events, have trouble organizing tasks and time, and get easily distracted. These symptoms can affect adult friendships, making it difficult to make and keep friends. In this post, we’re sharing how to make friends as a woman with ADHD.
What Is ADHD?
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a common condition characterized by inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity that interferes with everyday life. It makes it hard to focus, stay on task, and think before acting and can also make it difficult to regulate emotions. People with ADHD have trouble with self-regulating skills known as executive function, which impacts the ability to make decisions, plan, and schedule. This creates challenges in everyday life from school to work to relationships.
ADHD in Women: 3 Things to Know
1. ADHD in Women Doesn’t Follow Common Stereotypes
ADHD is presented in three ways: inattentive, hyperactive/impulsive, or a combination of the two. Males with ADHD tend to exhibit hyperactivity, which may cause them to be fidgety, restless, talkative, disruptive, impulsive, and impatient. These symptoms are more obvious and have become the basis of what to look for when diagnosing people with ADHD.
2. Women Exhibit Inattentive ADHD
Most women tend to display inattentive ADHD. This includes failing to give close attention to details or making careless mistakes, trouble holding attention on tasks, losing focus or getting side tracked, trouble organizing, and getting easily distracted. Since these are less socially disruptive, they’re not as noticeable and females with ADHD often go undiagnosed.
3. Gender Bias
Another reason ADHD is commonly misdiagnosed and underdiagnosed in women is due to gender bias. ADHD symptoms in girls are often viewed as personality traits, for example, being shy, forgetful, spacey or chatty. These traits are less likely to be viewed as symptoms. As a woman, you may also be misdiagnosed with anxiety or depression rather than ADHD because your symptoms are less obvious.
9 ADHD Symptoms that Impact Adult Friendships
- Shyness
- Low self-esteem and anxiety
- Inconsistent and forgetful (forget a friend’s birthday party or another important event)
- Struggle with socialization
- Issues with paying attention; are easily distracted
- Get overwhelmed with the demands of friendships – rarely initiate friendships and have trouble maintaining them
- Tend to isolate to protect themselves from discomfort or confusion
- Struggle with rejection sensitivity
- Too loud and brash
How to Make Friends as a Woman with ADHD
1. Find a Group
One of the best ways to meet people is joining a local group such as a book club, art class, language class, or run club. This is a great way to meet people with common interests, which increases the chances of lasting relationships. These groups typically meet at frequent intervals (once a week, biweekly, once a month), which means you’re seeing the same people regularly. Make an effort to start up conversations and see who you click with.
2. Try an App
Friendship apps like Bumble for Friends (previously Bumble BFF) and Hey!Vina can be a game changer. Making friends is hard for a lot of adults and friendship apps can take the anxiety and awkwardness out of connecting with people IRL. Similar to dating apps, they allow you to connect with people who share similar interests and values, who are looking for the same things you are. You can select the gender and age range of people you want to connect with and input your interests so you can meet like-minded people. And make sure to get off the apps as soon as possible so you can start forming friendships face-to-face!
3. Volunteer
Volunteering is another great way to meet lots of new people, whether it’s at a food bank, animal shelter, or mental health organization. You’ll be meeting regularly with a group of people who have common interests and who share your enthusiasm to give back to the community. Having regular social contact with others can improve your mental health, reduce stress and anxiety, and boost self confidence. Relationships take time to build, but seeing the same people on a regular basis allows friendships to grow naturally.
4. Quality Over Quantity
Focus on fostering a few really good, close friendships rather than trying to build a whole group of friends. While having a big group of friends can be nice at times, it can also lead to more surface friendships that aren’t as deep. Put your effort into a few people you really like and get along with rather than trying to spread yourself too thin. This will feel more manageable and also lead to more substantial friendships.
5. Join a Workout Studio
When you join a workout studio (barre, boxing, Pilates, etc.) and consistently go to the same classes each week, you’ll start to notice familiar faces. Start by striking up casual conversations with them about weather, Netflix shows, or weekend plans, and once you feel more comfortable with them, you could ask them to go for coffee or out for a drink. You could even make it a group thing and tell the whole class you’re going for coffee afterwards and see if anyone wants to join.
6. Don’t Hide Your ADHD
Being open about your ADHD can make people more understanding. Then you can spend your time with friends who are accepting and flexible. Let them know that you may not reach out as much or that you may be forgetful sometimes, but it has nothing to do with how you feel about them. Once people understand you, you’ll be able to create stronger bonds. It can also help you weed out friends who aren’t understanding or make you feel anxious or insecure about your symptoms.
7. Reach Out
Did you see on Instagram that someone from your past has moved to the same city as you? Or maybe you’ve lost touch with someone that you miss. Although it might be out of your comfort zone, reach out to them and see if they want to get together. You have to be okay with being the one to make the first move. Who knows, they may have been thinking about reaching out to you anyways and you never know where it could lead.
It can be difficult making friends as an adult with ADHD, but we hope these tips offer some helpful guidance.
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