Letting go of a toxic relationship can be incredibly complicated. Although it’s a very positive thing, you may be left with feelings of anger, hurt, sadness, and confusion. Toxic relationships are unhealthy and can manifest in signs such as obsessive behaviour, possessiveness, blaming, and isolation from friends and family. Recognizing and getting out of an unhealthy relationship is an amazing first step, but what comes next? From reading self-help books to starting a journaling practice, and repeating positive affirmations, the only thing you need to do right now is show yourself some love. Here’s how to let go of toxic relationships, plus signs to look for.
12 Signs a Relationship is Toxic
- Lack of support- constantly feeling belittled and inadequate
- Obsessive behaviour- obsessive contact via phone, text, or DM
- Possessiveness and jealousy
- Isolation from friends and family- can start subtly, but lead to being cut off from your support network
- Control- dictating who you can see, what you can do, and how you should think and feel
- Persistent tension and arguments
- Insults, accusations, or silent treatment
- Constant disregard of your emotional needs
- Manipulation to keep you in a state of compliance or guilt
- Gaslighting- using tactics to make you question your own reality, memory, or perceptions
- Blaming- shifting all the blame to you and refusing the acknowledge their own mistakes
- Diminished self esteem
How to Let Go of Toxic Relationships
1. Start Therapy
If you’re trying to get over a toxic relationship, a therapist can help you understand and work through feelings like anger, sadness, guilt, and self-doubt that can arise. They can help you rebuild your self-esteem and confidence, as well as identify patterns in your own behaviour that may lead to unhealthy relationships in the future. A therapist can teach you effective coping mechanisms for stress and anxiety that you may be feeling after leaving a toxic relationship, and how to set boundaries to protect yourself from future manipulation.
2. Lean on Friends and Family
Your friends and family love you and they’re there for you to lean on. The tough thing about toxic partners is that they can often try to isolate you from your support network, so it makes it harder for you to leave. Don’t be scared to reach out to people you haven’t been in touch with for a while. Chances are, your closest people recognized what was going on and have been waiting for you to get out of the relationship and reach out to them. Breakups can feel lonely and be extremely confusing, especially after a toxic relationship, so it’s important to get support from your loved ones.
3. Read Helpful Books
Books can help you heal from the ending of a toxic relationship. They can offer insights into unhealthy relationships, validate your experiences, and help you rebuild your self-worth. Reading about similar experiences others have gone through can help you feel less alone, plus reading about how they healed can give you hope that it’s possible to find yourself again. Some books offer practical tools and strategies for dealing with a toxic breakup, while others focus on building resilience and self-love. Here are some recommendations:
1. Whole Again: Healing Your Heart and Rediscovering Your True Self After Toxic Relationships and Emotional Abuse by Jackson Mackenzie
2. The Power of Letting Go by John Purkiss
3. It’s Not You: Identifying and Healing From Narcissistic People by Ramani Durvasula
4. When You’re Ready, This is How You Heal by Brianna Wiest
4. Start a Journal
Journaling can be a powerful tool for healing from toxic relationships. It can help you process complex emotions, understand your experiences, and express your feelings without judgment. If you have pent up emotions like anger, frustration, sadness, or confusion, journaling offers an amazing emotional release. It’s very therapeutic and a daily journaling practice can help you reflect and heal from an unhealthy relationship. It can also help you challenge negative self-beliefs that you may have established during your relationship, and work toward a more positive self-image.
5. Repeat Positive Affirmations
Toxic relationships can diminish your self-worth, your confidence, and your emotional resilience. Positive affirmations can help you release toxic attachments and reclaim your worth and strength. Start by identifying negative thoughts, self-doubt, and limiting beliefs that come up throughout the day and create affirmations that address your specific needs. Repeat your affirmations daily (preferably in front of a mirror) as consistency is key to rewiring your subconscious mind. Here are some examples:
- “I respect myself and demand the same from others”
- “I choose to pour myself into healthy, fulfilling relationships”
- “I reclaim my power”
- “I am not defined by my past relationships”
- “I deserve a partner who treats me with care and respect”
- “I am enough, just as I am”
- “I am worthy of kindness, love, and support”
- “I am resilient and can overcome any challenges that come my way”
6. Practice Self-Care and Self-Love
Toxic relationships can do a number on your self-love and the way you feel about yourself. And leaving a relationship can be incredibly draining, both physically and emotionally. It’s important to build yourself up again, slowly but surely. Start with self-care activities like taking walks, meditating, resting, and reading. And don’t forget to include self-love activities such as spending time with loved ones and pursuing your hobbies and interests. Doing activities that make you feel happy and fulfilled will help you get back to yourself.
Letting go of a toxic relationship can be incredibly hard and complicated. Try these tips to start feeling better and more like yourself day by day.
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