Emotions aren’t good or bad. In fact, they are temporary states that give us information about the events or situations that trigger them. And learning how to control your emotions means assigning a more positive meaning to the event rather than allowing the unpleasant feelings to obstruct or sabotage what you’re trying to achieve. So, in this article, you’ll learn just that, respond vs. react and find the beauty in the spectrum of your emotional experiences.
How to Control Your Emotions: 10 Tips and Strategies
1. Stop suppressing
When we experience a strong emotion, we tend to avoid it through an external outlet—perhaps binging Netflix, shopping, drugs/alcohol, or stuffing our faces with easy plant-based desserts. Yet suppressing our emotions makes them come back stronger than ever, making it harder to deny their presence. Therefore, accept them by changing how you approach them. For example, if you disappointed your boss and received criticism, instead of thinking you’re a horrible employee, reframe it by telling yourself it’s okay to make mistakes, and it’s a learning opportunity that will lead to more future success.
2. Label them
A part of not suppressing your emotions is learning how to label them when they arise. For example, say your friend ignored your messages. You immediately felt upset and binged a pint of Ben and Jerry’s which triggered feelings of shame. Yet what if you interrupted the moment between pain and your behavior by asking yourself, “How do I feel?” Perhaps you feel hurt or rejected. Then ask, “Why do I feel this way?” and “How did this situation trigger rejection?” Investigating the situation with kindness will help you manage your emotions better.
3. Channel your energy
Fear, stress, and anger are all responses we experience from our environment. Whether a driver cuts us off in traffic or we argue with our partner, our bodies often prepare us to fight-flight-or-freeze. But what happens when cortisol, our stress hormone, surges without a moment to release? We become more anxious, depressed, or reactive. Therefore, give it an outlet to channel your energy. Take a boxing class, go for a mindful walk, vent to a friend, learn about the relationship between your hips and emotions, and shake the energy out through dancing. Don’t let the cortisol fester.
4. Breathe and pause
We’ve all been there. We allow our emotions to get the best of us, and we react, ultimately regretting it later. Yet instead of acting impulsively, take a moment to ground yourself. Breathe, leave the situation to cool off, or practice grounding techniques for anxiety. Giving yourself a moment to pause and cope with your emotions allows you to better communicate and handle the situation before you.
5. Reflect through journaling
One of the best ways to learn how to control your emotions is through self-reflection. Indeed, writing about your feelings, what triggered them, and when they happened can help you discover patterns. For example, after work, you feel a tad reactive. Yet, upon journaling, perhaps you realize that a comment from a coworker left you feeling more uneasy than you initially thought. After a few journal entries, you also discover that maybe it’s time to learn how to recover from work burnout. That’s the beauty of journaling – it strings elements from our days together and helps us find clues about how and why our environment triggers strong emotions.
6. What is the impact?
Emotions are our teachers. If we lean into them and try to understand their impact, they reveal quite a lot about our lives. For example, perhaps upon reflection, you notice your unresolved emotions are causing a rift in your relationships. Or it’s leading to a pattern of unhealthy coping behaviors or problems at work. When you analyze the impact of your emotions, you may find areas where you need to make changes. Reflect upon your emotions and discover what lessons they hold.
7. Accept your emotions
Say you have a moment of panic after thinking you lost your wallet. Perhaps your heartbeat elevated, and your hands got sweaty. After finding it, you might think, “Why did you react that way? You’re acting like a child”. But this internal dialogue creates a cycle of self-punishment and criticism. Instead, validate your emotions. You were scared because you thought you lost your wallet, and that’s okay. Accepting that emotion rather than being upset with yourself allows you to respond vs. react and encourages an opportunity to practice self-compassion exercises.
7. Maintain relationships
Social connection is one of our core needs. So, having a trusted network of loved ones to vent to after experiencing a stressful event can help us regulate our emotions. Their attentive presence can make you feel heard, seen, and understood. That’s why you often feel better after meeting a friend and discussing your experiences. Therefore, even if you’re busy, learn how to maintain social connections to share your emotions rather than bottling them up.
9. Establish a calming routine
If we neglect our other core needs like water, sleep, and a healthy diet, our day-to-day will be more challenging when it comes to managing our emotions. We’ll feel wired, reactive, and generally unhappy. So, make sure to learn how to get more deep sleep naturally, practice ways to drink more water, and prioritize tips to eat healthier. But why not take it a step further and create a routine of habits that boost your mood? For example, say you want to feel more centered before you start your day. You could meditate for 10 minutes in the morning and repeat what you feel grateful for. Having morning or evening habits that ground you allows you to make more sound decisions, respond, and release stress.
10. Receive support
Therapy is a powerful way to express your emotions in a safe space and discover patterns affecting your life. Indeed, having stable support can help you learn how to respond to situations triggering you and develop positive coping mechanisms that reduce their intensity. Therefore, explore and find a therapist you feel comfortable sharing and building a relationship with to help you live the life you deserve.
If you want to learn how to control your emotions, look at the situation causing the feeling. Instead of suppressing them, self-reflect to determine their presence. Over time, you’ll see the beauty in emotions, the ones that light you up and the strong ones – both carry profound messages.
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