Perfectionism is an unhealthy obsession with flawlessness that causes those with ADHD to set unattainable standards and never feel good enough. This can lead to mental health issues like anxiety and depression. Overcoming and letting go of perfectionism takes work but it’s possible with the right tools. From affirmations to mindfulness to getting to the root of your perfectionism, here’s what you need to know about ADHD and perfectionism in women, and tips and tools to help.
ADHD & Perfectionism in Women
If you’re a perfectionist, you feel a strong need to be or appear perfect at all costs. Perfectionists often have unrealistic expectations for themselves and expect everything they do to be executed flawlessly. If not, this can lead to negative self-talk and criticism. While a small level of perfectionism can be beneficial, high level perfectionism leads to unattainable personal standards, self-confidence issues, and never feeling good enough. It makes criticism almost unbearable and can make mental health issues such as anxiety even worse.
For women with ADHD, perfectionism is a common experience. Growing up with ADHD can make you a target of criticism and labels such as “lazy”, “disorganized” and “lacking motivation”. Given that many girls go undiagnosed or are misdiagnosed, they go through life unfairly judged and unable to seek out treatment. Perfectionism can be a coping mechanism to validate yourself and show that you’re reliable and disciplined.
When you become obsessive about living up to your high standards, you can start to feel anxious about making mistakes and may have a hard time getting started on tasks for fear of not doing it “perfectly”. You’re more likely to dwell on previous errors or failures and worry about mistakes that may occur in the future. ADHD perfectionism often manifests as procrastinating, especially when a task seems too hard or takes too much effort. Perfectionists also spend excessive time on tasks and projects to avoid mistakes. The need to be perfect can be overwhelming, and cause issues at work and home.
11 Signs of ADHD Perfectionism in Women
- Having higher standards or expectations for yourself than what’s required.
- Comparing yourself to others around you.
- Fear of failure and disappointing others.
- Re-checking your work over and over again.
- Crippling fear or anxiety about making mistakes.
- Delaying and procrastinating on tasks.
- ADHD paralysis- being unable to make decisions or work on a task.
- Low self-esteem and confidence issues.
- Negative self-talk and criticism.
- Fear or reluctance to ask for help.
- Sensitive and defensive to feedback.
10 Dangers of Perfectionism in Women
- Low self-esteem
- Anxiety and depression
- Isolation and loneliness
- Self-criticism
- Burn out
- Procrastination and decreased productivity
- Impatience and frustration
- Increased vulnerability
- Impaired relationships
- Physical health problems such as heart issues, a weak immune system, and digestive problems
7 Tips & Tools to Help Manage Perfectionism
1. Embrace Mindfulness
It’s important to build awareness about your perfectionism, and mindfulness is one of the best ways to do this. When a judgmental thought pops up, mindfulness can help you neutrally observe it rather than fixate and obsess over it. Acknowledge how your body feels when you’re overwhelmed or when perfectionistic tendencies start to surface. Mindfulness can help you focus on staying centred instead of spiralling with your perfectionism thoughts.
2. Get to the Root of Your Perfectionism
Try to figure out the root of your perfectionism. Do you feel the need to be accepted and praised by others? Did you experience judgement and criticism when you were younger that has led to perfectionism over the years? While you can try to do this work on your own, talking it through with a therapist can be extremely helpful. Therapy can help you identify and challenge perfectionistic thought patterns, teach you coping mechanisms for perfectionism-related anxiety, and help you develop self-compassion.
3. Practice Self Compassion
Perfectionists are extremely hard on themselves, often filling their own heads with negative self-talk and berating themselves if they make a mistake. Work on being kinder to yourself when things don’t turn out the way you hope. Understand that mistakes are a part of learning and growing, and that if you fail, you can pick yourself up and try again. When you notice thoughts of criticism or worthlessness creeping in, put on a podcast, call a friend, or shift your mind to anything else that will distract you from your negative thoughts.
4. Celebrate the Wins of Others
Perfectionism often leads to excessive comparison to others, where their “wins” can make you feel inadequate, jealous, or distressed that you’re not doing as well as them. Social media has made this even worse, as people are constantly sharing their wins and highlight reels, but usually aren’t sharing their lows. Comparison is the biggest thief of joy. Celebrating the wins of others can slowly start to shift your mindset. This can be a little celebration for those you see on social media, or a real-life celebration for family and friends. This will help you let go of comparison, and can improve perfectionism overall.
5. Use Tools to Help with Perfectionism
Perfectionism can lead to procrastination, ADHD paralysis, and poor time management. Put systems in place to help you with each of these. For example, create a morning routine to help you manage your time better, use a paper planner to help you organize and prioritize, and use digital alarms and reminders to remind yourself of important events and timelines. You can also read books on perfectionism to better understand it and how to overcome it.
6. Acknowledge Your Wins
Just like you’re going to start celebrating other people’s wins, it’s time to celebrate your own as well, no matter how big or small. You can create feel-good rewards for achieving small goals, such as buying yourself flowers or having a movie night with friends. For bigger accomplishments, consider planning a trip or spending the day at the spa.
7. Repeat Affirmations
Creating affirmations can be helpful for building the right mindset and practicing self-compassion. Examples include “everyone makes mistakes and my achievements don’t define my worth”, “my health is more important than my accomplishments” and “I am worthy, even when things are not perfect”. Place these on sticky notes around your house, write them out in a journal, or save them as your phone wallpaper to look at everyday.
ADHD perfectionism can lead to unrealistic expectations, comparison to others, and negative self-talk. Use these tips and tools to overcome perfectionism.
This post contains affiliate links.
Did you find this post on ADHD & perfectionism in women helpful? We’d love it if you shared it on Pinterest!
Looking for more helpful ADHD content? Make sure to follow our Mental Health Board on Pinterest!
