Understanding our love languages can enhance the quality of our relationships, ensuring we’re loved and taken care of the right way. While there are five traditional love languages, individuals with ADHD tend to express and show love a bit differently. There are five types of neurodivergent love languages including info-dumping, body doubling, penguin pebbling, support swapping and deep pressure. Understanding how you express love with ADHD is key to a loving, healthy, fulfilling relationship. It will help you understand yourself and what you need from your partner, ensuring you both get your needs met. Here are the ADHD love languages explained.
5 Common ADHD Love Languages
Your love language is the way in which you express and receive affection from others. Traditionally, the five love languages are physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation, gifts and acts of service. Neurodivergent individuals experience variations in how they process sensory information, emotions and social cues, and as such, have different love languages. You may notice that some of them are quite similar to the five traditional love languages. Here are 5 common ADHD love languages:
1. Info-Dumping
ADHD brains are wired to dive deep into interests. Some individuals with ADHD become deeply wrapped up in their passions and interests to the point where it can become difficult to stop focusing on them. Info-dumping refers to sharing about these interests in great detail. Their aim is to share an important part of their life with you- they want you to be as excited about it as they are.
For some people, info-dumping can be really overwhelming, but engaging in your loved one’s info-dumps shows that you genuinely care about the things that are important to them. Embrace this love language with active listening and asking insightful questions. It’s a meaningful way to build a connection with an ADHDer.
2. Body Doubling
Body doubling involves sharing a space with someone while doing separate activities. There’s no need for conversation, the mere presence of another person provides support and encouragement. Body doubling embraces the comfort of a loved one’s presence without the constant need for conversation. This could mean reading side by side, working on a project, or engaging in individual tasks or hobbies- you don’t need to be doing the same thing. Body doubling is also a strategy many people with ADHD use to complete tasks. Having another person present helps them get their tasks done even though the person isn’t directly assisting them.
3. Penguin Pebbling
Penguin pebbling is the act of sharing small tokens of affection, just like how penguins give pebbles as gifts to show they care. These small, often symbolic, gifts express affection and connection and are a way to show you’ve been thinking about someone. Penguin pebbling is all about giving gifts that mean something special, whether it’s a book, a favourite snack, a sentimental object, or even a meme. Getting creative and thoughtful with your gifts is a meaningful way to share care and connection with someone who has ADHD. It’s a particularly meaningful gesture and shows an appreciation for your relationship.
4. Support Swapping
Support swapping involves taking turns offering assistance, whether it’s through reminders, helping with tasks or just being there for each other. Partners or loved ones reciprocally assist each other with tasks they find challenging. Living with ADHD comes with a number of unique challenges and this love language recognizes that some tasks can be harder to complete independently, but become easier when done for someone else. It’s all about creating a mutual support system and fostering a balanced and nurturing relationship. For example, let’s say a person with ADHD struggles with grocery shopping and cooking, a partner could offer to take on those tasks so they can use their energy for tasks that are less challenging to them.
5. Deep Pressure
Some people with ADHD are sensory-seeking and the sensation of deep pressure brings a sense of comfort and security. This can be shared through things like tight hugs, weighted blankets, cuddling or massages. Deep-pressure contact can be incredibly soothing and grounding, instilling feelings of safety and comfort. It helps produce feel-good hormones such as oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine and decreases stress hormones like cortisol. It can help reduce stress and anxiety, create a sense of connection and contribute to feelings of well-being and happiness.
10 Ways People with ADHD Show Their Love
People with ADHD show their love in different ways. While some prefer physical touch and affection, others may need more physical space. They may show their love through gifts, support or non-contact affection. Here are some examples:
- Frequent hugging, holding hands or cuddling.
- Spontaneous physical affection, such as a hug or kiss that seems to come out of nowhere.
- Sharing about their passions and interests. For example, if they cook you dinner, they may tell you all about the ingredients, recipe, history of the meal, etc.
- Acts of service such as running an errand for you, packing you lunch or planning a vacation.
- Non-contact affection like making you your favourite sandwich, exactly the way you like it.
- Getting you a sentimental gift that they know will be meaningful to you or that is meaningful to the both of you.
- Doing tasks they know you struggle with without being asked.
- Remembering something you said you liked and buying you something related to that.
- Shared experiences, doing an activity with you that you enjoy.
- Words of encouragement and support, whether through text, over the phone or in person.
Individuals with ADHD like to show and receive love in specific ways. Knowing your love language will help you have happier, more fulfilling relationships.
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