How do you feel when you have high self-esteem? Unstoppable, confident, beautiful, strong? Now, how do you feel when you have low self-esteem? It’s safe to say you may feel like your world has turned upside down. Yet while we all experience highs and lows, if you notice your lows are becoming more of a consistent pattern, you may need a change in mindset. And this article is filled with several tips to boost your self-esteem and empower you to have more days where you feel like you deserve – on top of the world.
14 Signs of Low Self Esteem
Self-esteem is how we view ourselves at a conscious and subconscious level. And this self-perspective includes our opinions and beliefs about how worthy or unworthy we deem ourselves to be. That’s why learning about the signs can provide you with the awareness and information you need to take action to improve your self-worth.
- Overthinking
- Self-blame
- Self-doubt
- Lack of boundaries
- Feeling unworthy
- People pleasing
- Poor self-image
- Negative internal dialogue
- Social comparison
- Consistent indecisiveness
- Over or underachievement
- Setting high self-expectations
- Sensitivity to criticism
- Feeling guilty for your actions
9 Tips to Boost Your Self Esteem
1. What is the root cause?
We all have negative core beliefs that come from our childhood. And while it may be painful to revisit, reflecting on yours is key to boosting your self-esteem. For example, maybe you’re subconsciously replaying that moment you felt humiliated while giving a class presentation, and now you feel unworthy in social situations. Or perhaps the day your friend stole your first crush leaves you feeling unworthy of healthy relationships as an adult. Whatever the cause, learning how your past experiences have internalized your present-day beliefs will allow you to create a new system that serves your best interest.
2. Interject the negative self-talk
No one is immune to the cruelty of self-criticism. Yet learning how to question your negative self-talk is not an easy feat. Often when we hear ours, we try to engage in any behavior to drown out the noise. But the first step is to accept the chatter and understand that your thoughts are simply thoughts rather than messages indicative of who you are. Indeed, creating this awareness between your thoughts and the present moment will empower you to question what is true and what is not.
3. Reframe your thoughts
Once you become more aware of your internal dialogue, you’ll become more equipped to begin changing the direction of your thoughts. For example, if you consistently tell yourself,” I’m stupid. I always make mistakes”, reframe it to “Today I made a mistake, but that’s okay. Instead of feeling like a failure, I learned what I can improve on“. Or instead of “I hate myself”, you can say, “There are some days that I dislike myself, but I am learning to love the person I am“.
4. Be your own cheerleader
Often people with low self-esteem seek external love and support. It could be because of unresolved trauma, unmet expectations from caregivers as a child, or other underlying causes. Whatever the reason, you must learn to value and be there for yourself. Yet this is an easier-said-than-done kind of scenario. So, go slow. For example, start witnessing the signs of low self-esteem in your life. Do you notice you engage in poor self-talk often? If so, start complimenting one aspect of yourself every time you see your reflection. Following a small specific goal will slowly, over time, build higher self-esteem.
5. Define who you want to be
What does your internal dialogue say? Maybe you don’t believe you’re enough, or you blame yourself for every wrongdoing and past painful experience. Yet despite this, you still hold an image of the person you want to be. So, take a moment to write down the person you want to become. For example, be specific about the traits you want to adopt, what confidence means to you, and what you wish you could change. When you write down this version, you have a clear image of the habits you can work to get rid of and the habits you should adopt.
6. Pause before saying yes
Often people pleasing is one of the core signs of self-esteem. We may feel afraid to rock the boat, lose a friend, or experience confrontation if we say no. But learning to prioritize your needs is one of the best tips to boost your self-esteem. So, before saying yes to every request, take a moment to reflect. Ask yourself, “Am I saying yes for myself, or am I because I want them to love/approve/or accept me?” Reflecting on these answers will provide key information to discovering the underlying causes of your fear.
7. Reflect on your apologies
It’s tough to hear, but saying sorry all the time doesn’t mean you’re caring or kind. In fact, it is a sign that you may lack self-esteem and self-respect. So, any time you feel that deep urge to say sorry, replace it with something else. For example, if your friend invites you to go out and you feel bad about saying no, say, “Thanks for inviting me, but I want to stay in”. Over time, with continuous practice and reflection, you’ll learn that not everything is your fault. You’ll also discover when to give an honest deep-felt apology when deserved.
8. Enforce boundaries
Building your self-esteem is about defining what matters to you and creating clear boundaries to enforce it. For example, if your friends constantly want you to party, say, “Thank you for inviting me out, but I need to prioritize my health and wellness”. At first, when you voice your needs, you may be tempted to apologize or feel guilty for doing so. But trust that you are doing nothing wrong. In fact, quite the opposite. You are learning to voice what you need in a kind and self-loving manner.
9. Move your body
Lastly, prioritize daily movement, if possible. Waking up and working out in a way that feels good to you provides a sense of self-accomplishment. It also produces those feel-good endorphins we love after a good sweat. So, roll out your yoga mat, practice a HIIT video, go to the gym, or attend a dance class. And every day you maintain this self-care, your self-worth, and overall life satisfaction will increase.
Our self-esteem is how we perceive ourselves and, in turn, affects how we interact and navigate life. Therefore, unraveling the causes behind your self-worth and prioritizing tips that boost your self-esteem will lead to increased happiness and confidence. But if you feel you need additional support, please speak with a mental health professional. They will help you change stubborn negative beliefs and thoughts and empower your healing journey.
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