As a parent, you’re probably very aware of how a child might react impulsively: throwing something when angry, screaming when wanting attention, or hitting someone when overwhelmed. However, while these behaviors are certainly frustrating to deal with, it’s important to interject to teach appropriate impulse control strategies for kids to help them better manage their emotions and stress. Not doing so can normalize these reactions, leading to worse impulse behaviors as they age.
What Is Impulse Control and Why Is It Important?
Impulse control refers to a set of behaviors that helps us “think before reacting”. In children, it looks like not having temper tantrums in public, kindly waiting for food to be prepared, not hitting or yelling when angry, or learning how to share. When children learn impulse control strategies, they are better able to regulate their emotions, prioritize their wants and needs, foster healthy relationships as they get older, and have other positive outcomes, including social competence, emotional intelligence, reduced stress, academic success, etc. Thankfully, impulse control is a learned behavior meaning it’s possible to shape and model healthy coping behaviors to ensure your children think before they speak, and reflect on the consequences of their actions.
9 Impulse Control Strategies for Kids
1. Label emotions
You can’t teach impulse control without learning how to teach children about their emotions. Indeed, a child who feels jealous might steal their sister’s toy. Or a child who feels angry might push their friend. But if they know how to communicate their emotions, it could prevent such an impulsive reaction. Therefore, use flashcards and body movements to teach common emotions like anger, happiness, fear, sadness, worry, surprise, jealousy, and excitement. Then discuss the difference between feelings and behavior. For example, “It’s okay to feel sad. But it’s not okay to hit your brother”. When they’re visibly upset, interject by asking, “How do you feel right now?” and “Why do you feel this way?”. It will encourage emotional regulation and resiliency.
2. Encourage movement
Just like adults, children need an external source to release energy. So, encourage your child to play by offering several different activities. Doing so will reinforce healthy behavior early on, allowing them to engage their mind-body connection to facilitate improved mood, higher self-esteem, and increased attention. Additionally, when they’re upset, after labeling their emotions and discussing why they feel the way they do, you can encourage movement as a coping behavior, like running, playing tag, tossing a ball, or exerting their energy at the playground.
3. Model healthy behaviors
Children learn through their environment. They adopt what they see, hear, and experience. So, use this as a turning point to ensure you’re modeling healthy impulse control. Your child can easily mimic the same behaviors he or she sees you engaging in, believing it is an appropriate way of handling emotions. Therefore, when you’re feeling angry, take a moment to speak out loud to yourself and say, “I am angry because (insert reason)”. Then take a few deep breaths to center yourself. Seeing how you work through a stressful situation rather than reacting will model healthy behavior to self-regulate.
4. Teach mindfulness
Piggybacking from the previous tip, teach your children to self-regulate through mindfulness. For example, after helping them label their emotions, show them specific strategies to center themselves. You can teach them breathing techniques for anxiety, like dragon breathing, where they name a color for their anger “red” and a color for calmness “blue”. As they inhale, they envision their breath filling their body with “blue calming” energy, and as they exhale, they imagine releasing the “angry red” energy. You can also teach mindfulness activities for kids, like making a calm-down jar or kit filled with tools to help them unwind. Teaching them how to self-soothe at an early age will prevent impulsive behaviors.
5. Teach problem-solving skills
Problem-solving activities are one of the best impulse control strategies for kids because it teaches them that there are multiple avenues to solve a problem rather than reacting hastily. For example, if your child is worried about an upcoming test, work through the emotions, and encourage them to think of ways to solve the problem. Additionally, you can teach problem-solving skills by revisiting a moment where they reacted impulsively to increase their awareness. Explore the following questions to help them learn the consequences of their behaviors, the situation triggering the emotion, and how to problem-solve to feel better.
- Why did I behave that way?
- What emotion was I feeling?
- How did my behavior affect others?
- What is an alternative way to handle my emotions?
6. Enforce routines
Like adults, children thrive on routines. Knowing what is expected of them provides a sense of security and reduces chaos. And the key to establishing impulse control is consistency and predictability. So, create a visual routine for them to follow and stick to it. Rather than going head-to-head about taking a bath or doing their homework, children will become conditioned to know when exactly they’re expected to complete these chores while learning the importance of discipline.
7. Outline expectations
Establish clear rules, explain your reasons for them, and discuss any consequences for breaking them. When children have structure and know what is expected of them, it is easier to reduce impulsive behaviors. Bear in mind that it is important to be consistent with your rules and consequences. Acting lackadaisical can confuse the dynamic and blur the lines.
8. Provide recognition and rewards
While it’s important to maintain limits, it’s equally important to praise children when they exhibit desirable behaviors. But try to provide descriptive praise so they know exactly what they did well. For example, if you’re happy they shared their cookie with their sibling, say, “It’s so generous and kind of you to share your cookie with your sister.” Detailed and genuine praises are more effective in promoting desired behavior.
9. Play games
Do you remember how much fun you had when you played classic games like “Red Light, Green Light”, “Simon Says” or “Freeze Dance”? Unbeknownst to you, these games were teaching you impulse control. Even Jenga is a great game on how to teach children self-control, awareness, and discipline while promoting a fun environment. So, roll out your favorite childhood games and teach your children impulse control in an exciting throwback.
Remember, impulse control is a learned behavior, and while it can be a challenge, it’s necessary to nurture the skill with impulse control strategies. However, if you find your child is still struggling, it’s worth speaking to a mental health professional, as there could be an underlying behavioral problem.
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