If you struggle with ADHD and maintaining friendships, you’re not alone. Challenges like poor memory, rejection sensitivity and low self-esteem, which are common among those with ADHD, make it difficult to form and maintain relationships. But individuals with ADHD have a lot to offer in friendships as well. They feel deeply, have a fun sense of humour, and have special interests that make them great conversationalists. Not to mention, many people with ADHD tend to be accepting and inclusive due to their first hand experience with feeling “different” or left out. Here are 7 common adult ADHD friendship struggles and strategies to help.
Adult ADHD Friendship Struggles
7 Common Challenges
- Social anxiety- the combination of social anxiety and ADHD often leads to avoidant behaviours, limiting your opportunities to connect with others. Social anxiety can manifest differently depending on the situation. It’s important to understand in which environments you feel discomfort so you can work on coping skills for those settings.
- Oversharing- if you struggle with impulsivity and hyperactivity, you may miss subtle social cues from others or overshare personal information that makes people feel uncomfortable or bored, especially if it’s someone new. This can impact your ability to make new friends.
- Trouble listening- on top of excessive talking/sharing, if you’re also not giving other people the chance to speak, they’ll likely feel like your conversations are one-sided. If you tend to interrupt people when they’re talking or blurt out whatever comes to mind without considering the consequences, you may notice that your friendships are struggling.
- Low self-esteem- this can make it harder to meet new people and make friends. You may also not have the confidence in the friendships you do have, causing you to not reach out or make plans as much as you’d like to. You distance yourself from others because you feel unworthy of their love and affection.
- Poor memory- forgetting important things about people’s lives can give the impression that you don’t care. Whether a friend got a new job or is recently pregnant, or is celebrating a birthday or anniversary, being told personal information and not referring back to it can make it tough to sustain long-term relationships.
- Being late and cancelling plans- time blindness is a common symptom for those with ADHD and can make it difficult to commit to plans you make in advance. This may manifest as always showing up late or cancelling plans at the last minute, which can be really frustrating for the person you’re getting together with.
- Rejection sensitivity- the intense sensitivity to the possibility of being rejected or criticized by others can make it challenging to connect with others or sustain long-term friendships. You may worry excessively about being judged or not fitting in, leading you to avoid social interaction altogether. Or you may overanalyze a friend’s look or comment, see rejection and respond with anger or withdrawal.
5 Strategies to Help
1. Make Time for Your Friends
It’s really important to nurture the relationships you have in your life and make time for your friends. When you’re talking or messaging with a friend, make a plan to see them, put it in your calendar and set reminders as the date gets closer. It’s also important to set up reminders for important dates like birthdays and special occasions so you don’t forget them. Showing your friends you care and are committed to making time for them will go a long way.
2. Work on Your Self Awareness
The more self aware you are in your social interactions, the more positive experiences you’ll have when meeting new people and nurturing your friendships. Monitor yourself when you’re communicating with others and take notice if there’s anything you’re doing that’s harmful or counterproductive, such as constantly interrupting or overtaking the conversation. Make an effort to work on being a better listener and making sure there’s give and take in your interactions.
3. Use Online Greeting Card Services
This is a great hack for important yearly dates like birthdays or anniversaries. You can select and schedule cards to go out on specific dates for your friends and family members. This ensures you never miss a birthday or special occasion so you can avoid unintentionally hurting their feelings. You can also use other systems like notes to remember important things about your friends’ lives.
4. Enrol in More Activities
Activities like workout classes, book clubs, and running clubs can be great places to meet new people. If you’re joining a group that’s relevant to your interests, you’ll likely find people you hit it off with. Start saying hello to people in class and don’t be scared to strike up a conversation. If you’re part of a workout studio, you can ask who their favourite instructor is or what their favourite class is, and get the ball rolling from there.
5. Work with a Professional
Challenges like low self-esteem, anxiety and rejection sensitivity can be improved with a therapist. A therapist can help you work through negative thought patterns about yourself and your friendships and improve your confidence and self-worth. Look for a therapist who has experience with ADHD, as they can help you with executive functioning skills like time management, organization and forgetfulness. They can also address any underlying psychological issues that may be contributing to your executive dysfunction.
Making friends when you have ADHD can be complicated. We hope these tips help you form and maintain friendships as best as possible!
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