Alright, I know what you’re thinking: I don’t have a son.
And you’re right.
(And no, I’m not pregnant – will you quit asking me that already?!)
But since so many of you loved my 50 Things I Want to Teach My Daughter post, and a few of you have actually ASKED if I’d write one for moms with sons, I decided to take the plunge.
Just in case I suddenly find myself feeling brave enough to have another baby.
So here you have it…
1. Never ask a woman if it’s her “time of the month”. Ever.
2. Go easy on the cologne.
3. Women can smell dishonesty a mile away, so unless you’re trying to protect our feelings, never lie to us.
4. Remember that winning isn’t everything.
5. As Confucius once said, “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”
6. Don’t be afraid to stick up for yourself, but don’t be a bully.
7. Embrace your sexuality, whatever it may be. It’s who you are, your dad and I will be cheering for you from the sidelines, and anyone who has a problem with it is not worth your time.
8. Showing emotion is not a sign of weakness.
9. Women may want to be treated like equals, but a little chivalry goes a long way. Trust me on this one.
10. Don’t be a mouth breather. And never use the word, “moist”.
11. Learn how to cook. Women LOVE that.
12. Never have unprotected sex unless you’re married. And never trust the words, “but I’m on the pill…”
13. Always look people in the eye when you’re talking to them
14. Send me flowers on my birthday. And on Mother’s Day.
15. A little confidence goes a long way. Even if you have to fake it.
16. Don’t wear white underwear. It’s wrong on so many levels.
17. Always take your hat off when you enter someone’s home, and never, ever, wear a baseball cap at the dinner table.
18. When it comes to love, wait for the one you can’t live without. Like your dad did with me.
19. Remember that trust is EARNED, and once it’s broken, it’s really hard to get it back.
20. Always wash your clothes with cold water, and never mix darks (especially not reds!) with whites.
21. I don’t care if you experiment with booze and weed, but if I catch you smoking cigarettes or trying chemical drugs, I will smack you. That’s a promise.
22. Everyone is your equal, regardless of their race, religion, size, shape, or sexual orientation. Treat them accordingly.
23. Don’t spit. It’s disgusting.
24. Never raise a hand to a woman. Or a child.
25. Find a hobby you’re passionate about, and make time for it.
26. Don’t be afraid to tell people you love them.
27. Be nice to your mother.
28. Don’t take yourself too seriously.
29. Learn how to compliment a woman.
30. Spend time with the people you love. You never know when they’ll be taken away from you.
31. Trim your eyebrows.
32. Learn how to say, “I’m sorry”.
33. Be kind and respectful to people.
34. Don’t let fear dictate your actions.
35. Learn how to wink. Women love that. Just don’t be weird and creepy about it.
36. Never kiss and tell.
37. No matter how young you are, or how late it is, promise you’ll call when and your friends have been drinking so I can get you all home safely (and alive).
38. Always keep breath mints in your pocket.
39. Believe in yourself.
40. When you’re visiting someone in their home, never show up empty-handed.
41. Learn the art of killing with kindness.
42. Don’t be late.
43. Always keep your fingernails manicured and your shoes polished. They say a lot about a man.
44. Before you propose to a woman, always ask her dad’s permission first.
45. Don’t swear in front of women. Except me. I’m not that uptight.
46. Never scratch or re-arrange yourself in public.
47. Never kiss a girl on the first date.
48. When a woman says “I’m fine”, chances are she’s not.
49. Life isn’t always fair.
50. I’ve always got your back.
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