On July 11, my life changed forever.
My husband and I had woken up later than usual, and I wasn’t overly nice to him as I slammed my way through my morning routine (sorry sweetheart), and when I finally strapped my 3-year-old into her car seat and started driving to summer camp, I decided to check the mysterious voice mail from an unknown US number on my phone.
And that’s when I heard this:
“Hi Dani, I’m calling from <name of my dad’s company>. I’m trying to get a contact number for your mother’s phone. If you can call me back at…”
The sweet woman had stumbled over her words, and as my shaking hands dialed her number while my daughter blissfully watched Dora the Explorer on her LeapPad Ultra in the backseat, I knew something serious had happened.
And I was right.
My dad, who was away on a business trip at the time, hadn’t shown up for a meeting that day, and when no one could reach him on his phone, they asked the hotel staff to check his room.
His heart stopped while he was getting ready for that meeting.
Hearing the news of my dad’s death, and calling my mum and sister to tell them what happened, will haunt me forever, and I am just overcome with sadness at losing him. He truly was one of my best friends, and I miss him terribly.
But my dad was not one to sit around crying about things that cannot be changed, and I know he would’ve wanted me to embrace my life with my beautiful husband and daughter.
And that’s exactly what I’m doing.
Two days after he passed, while I was desperately craving the routine of my online life, I asked my amazing Facebook fans if they could share an embarrassing story to help cheer me up. I was so amazed at how many people responded to that FB post, and after laughing really hard at the stories they told me, I couldn’t resist sharing them.
I know there is someone out there who is hurting even more than me right now, and if I can bring even a smile to their faces with these gems, it will make my day.
1. When I was 13, I decided 2 go swimming. It was a little chilly outside and I showed up in my bikini and wore a sweater over it. I took my sweater off and walked all the way around the pool 2 get in the water at the deep end. I sat on the side of the pool w my feet in b4 my best friend yanked me in the water unexpectedly bc when I had taken off my sweater, my top came unattached and I had no idea til I hit the water bc I was so cold. Everyone at the pool had seen my goods and no-one said anything! –Rachelle S.
2. I spilled a whole glass of wine on father of the groom at a very, very expensive wedding I was working, tried to dry it up off his lap, which quickly got me pulled off the floor. –Angela
3. Once when [breastfeeding] my first kiddo I had the goods just hanging out. Happily sitting in my living room with the curtains open because no one comes to our house, like ever….And 3 Jehovah’s Witnesses appeared. –Tiffany W.
4. I am a small business counsellor helping businesses with business plans, marketing, and more. This fantastic newly relocated young man came in Friday and we talked social media strategy. Meeting was going well and him appreciative of the help. Suddenly my office filled with a raw stench of sewer. Being a professional I toughed out the last 15 minutes of the meeting pretending not to smell a thing. Whew! Meeting over! I went to my coworkers office and explained “oh my gosh! My client totally farted and I had to pretend I didn’t smell it!” and my coworker proceeded to explain it wasn’t my client. Another person in the office opened a leftover lunch container of gone bad veggies and the stench filled the whole office. At which time I realized that if I thought my client farted, then he naturally would have thought I farted! That will be one awkward second meeting! — Kristina L.
5. A guy I was dating was playing acting like he was going to bite my bottom. We just started dating a few months in so I still held the farts in…. well he reached down, n well I farted right in his face. I was totally mortified. He handled it well. Didn’t embarrass me. I wanted to crawl in a hole. –Angel H.
6. When I was in high school, I was in Forensics, and after one of the meets, we stopped at a local Dairy Queen. While we were in line, we were laughing about how hilarious would it be if someone accidentally said penis buster parfait. We were yukking it up until I hit the front of the line. Naturally, that’s my favorite DQ treat. Yep, I totally asked for a penis buster parfait. The guy at the register almost couldn’t handle it and I know I was red as all get out. –Janelle W.
7. Junior high trip to a water park. I wore a bikini. While going down on a tube slide thing, I noticed everyone was staring at me. My friend was in front of me and was yelling something and pointing at me then her swimsuit. Yep, my tiny AA’s were hanging out of my top. And all of my junior high class saw the gloriousness. –Anna B.
8. I once went to an indoor soccer game. During the warmup I was eating some cheese nachos. I was paying attention to where the ball was because it can come up into the crowd. My friend called my name, I turned my head and you guessed it…..the ball came up, hit my nachos and they slammed into my face. I wasn’t hurt but cheese was all over my face and in my hair. Everyone thought I was crying but I was laughing so hard. My friend had to take me to the bathroom so I could wash my face and hair. I still laugh about it all these years later. I never even got new nachos! –Jill N.
9. On the first date that my fiance & I had… I used the mens room instead of ladies room (not having my glasses on). He calmly waited outside the bathroom & had other male patrons wait until I came out. Wow. Now when we go out, if my Fiance gets really goofy, I tell him to knock it off or I’ll use the guys room. –Kerry D.
10. My 2 year old kept saying very loudly ‘what’s that noise?’ The other day when a poorly disabled man was making groaning noises at the tea rooms we were having lunch at. I could have died!!!!! –Ursula H.
11. I was in the locker room at the Y after swimming lessons with my two daughters (aged 3&2 at the time). My 3-yr-old pointed at me putting my bra on, and exclaimed loudly, “wow, mom, your boobs are REALLY FLOPPY!” I wasn’t embarrassed about it until No. One. Laughed. Locker room full of women and girls. No one laughed except me! –Katie S.
12. I was the only female working at a lumber yard. After we would help someone gather their purchases, we would walk them to sales counter and tell salesman the order. So I am walking up with a gentleman and I say “he has 12- 1/2 by 5 bolts” the salesman replies with “nuts and bolt? “. I blurt out “he has no nuts”! Hope you laughed. –Lynda H.
13. I lost my dad 14 years ago. It just so happens my story involves my dad. I was 15 and only been menstruating for about 6 months. (late bloomer) We were in a small local market, and there were boys I knew from school in there. My dad yells from an aisle away, as I’m talking to them …. “Hey Rob, do you need tampons?” I was mortified to say the least! –Robin B.
14. Celebrating my birthday at Knotts Berry Farm. I was with my date waiting in line for a ride and I sat on a wood planter. The line moved so I just slide down further on the planter, but as I did I ended up getting a huge splinter in my butt! I couldn’t get the splinter out myself so I ended having to have my date (who was a navy corpsman) help. It was our first date and I had to let him pull a splinter from my butt. –Rachel K.
15. My dad picking out my first bra when I was 9. And then he had the dirty NERVE to try them on to see if it fit him before he brought them for me. My mom cracked up laughing. –Faelyn W.
16. Fifth grade and I stayed up all night reading so I was rushing to make it to the bus and mind you it’s winter so I had all my snow gear on. When I got to school I found out I forgot to put pants on under the snow pants I was so embarrassed and had to wear snowpants all day. –Suzanne R.
17. While in college, I visited a company with a school group to learn more about their job opportunities. They invited us to eat lunch in their building. While returning my tray after eating, I looked back to say something to a friend and ended up tripping and falling into a fountain in front of everyone…oh, and did I mention that there was a choir performing in front of the fountain too?! –Janelle H.
18. I was asked to sing the National Anthem when I was a Senior in High School, AND captain of the cheerleading squad and I forgot the words… I graduated 19 years ago and this haunts me to this very day. –Lisa M.
19. We were on a road trip and had stopped at a gas station. After visiting the restroom, I came out to see my husband bending over the engine. I gave him a friendly slap on the behind and said, “let’s get going, fatso!”. Turns out, it wasn’t my husband! –Roshni A.
20. At my fathers funeral I had left my purse with a friend at the church. I was sitting in the family section to the side of the casket. I forgot to turn off my phone. Right in the middle if the service my phone rang and played Brown Eyed Girl at the highest possible volume. My dad would have gotten such a kick out of that moment. –Kim E.
Wow. You have no idea how much fun I had sitting here in Starbucks putting this little collection together. It was such a nice distraction.
And now I’m off to re-read the comments in THIS POST that Sherry S. recommended I read. They are hysterical as well!
If you want more laughs, check out my Laughter board on Pinterest. It’s filled with some pretty hilarious stuff!