It’s such an amazing experience, isn’t it?
The unconditional love you feel for another human being.
The early morning cuddles in bed.
The way your heart melts the first time you hear your kids say, “I love you”.
It really is magical.
But if you’re anything like the parents in our social circle, it probably leaves you little time to do anything else.
Of course, we always have good intentions, don’t we? We always WANT to spend a little extra time paying attention to ourselves and our significant other, but when your days revolve around making a fool of ourselves in front of other moms, diffusing temper tantrums, and trying to potty train a child who would rather go to college in diapers, it isn’t always easy to find the energy to do much more than sit in front of the TV and veg once the kids are in bed.
And that’s cool.
There’s nothing wrong with catching up with your DVR night after night.
But sometimes we get a little lazy and forget to pay attention to the relationship that made us parents to begin with.
And since my hormones are behaving today, that horrible beast called winter has finally decided to leave us alone for a couple of months, and I’m feeling fun today, I decided to share some simple tips to help you keep the magic alive after you have kids from my amazing fans.
You can thank me later.
Oh, and don’t worry – they aren’t x-rated
Well, some of them were, but I kept those for myself…
1. Always keep dating! –Teri O.
2. We make sure we sit next to each other as much as possible; hold hands every chance we get; we smile at each other; give a little loving gesture like a quick back rub or a quick wink at the other; use loving words when we talk. . It is really the small things that make a big difference. A little love note in the middle of the grocery list. A quick text in the middle of the day just saying “love you” or ” miss you” etc. Just mix it up and make sure your spouse knows how much you crave them. –Tamara D.
3. Gross out your kids! Kiss and love on (nothing graphic, of course) your spouse in front of your kids. Not to put on a show just because you want to show some love! Don’t hold back physical affection just because the kiddos are around. Also keep a flirty attitude with your hubby. –Brandy H.
4. Have secret pet names for each other. Send sexy texts and emails. Kiss in the kitchen. Stay up later than the kids and snuggle on the couch watching a favorite show. Touch toes while sitting on the couch reading. Give a back or foot massage. Find an activity you can do together like dance lessons or fitness class or SOMETHING you do without the kids. We sing in a choir. Be friends with other loving couples. –Dana M.
5. Try not to compete for who had the hardest day. –Lori V.
6. When our oldest was 14 we started having weekly date night. We’ve had to sacrifice some other “fun” things in order to fit it into the budget but it has been the best investment. –Jeannine E.
7. Alone time. Shared responsibilities. Positive words every day. And random love notes.. –Darcy L.
8. Speaking from recent experience I would say one way to keep the spark alive is get a lock on your door. And then actually make time to lock the door! (we just celebrated our 21st anniversary!) –Kathy R.
9. Recognize all the things your partner does. Even if it’s NEVER the laundry, I bet they do something like update all the computer software. I know I’ve done THAT all of zero times. –Enedina S.
10. Don’t stop doing the little things that let your spouse know you still find them attractive and desirable, even if time doesn’t permit the actual time to act on it. Walk by and pinch their butt or playfully spank them. Come from behind them and turn them around for a REAL kiss, not some peck on the cheek. Wanna score points do that even when they aren’t dressed up, or standing there doing dishes, or if he is simply doing that one job you hate, like cleaning the BOY’s Bathroom. Yeah trust me it works… –Angel S.
11. Hang around a couple that sucks. It’s all about perspective. –Kim S.
12. Each month on the date we were married (the 23rd) we do Highs and Lows for the month…discuss the best parts/days and the worst of the month. It helps us identify what we are doing right, what we need to work on, and sorta check in with each other. We have been doing it every month for now 12 years. It started out as a full blown date night. Now, most months, it’s just us in our PJs at the end if the night. –Liz A.
13. Figure out the whole bedtime thing. Make it an early one for the kids, and make a religion of it. Except when you have very young babies or kids are sick, you have to have some adult time at the end of the day. –Adrienne J.
14. We turn the tv off, grab a couple of beers and play a board game or read a book together. Taking it down to basic levels gives us time to share information about our days and an informal game means we can settle down, be ourselves, make ridiculous jokes and really have a laugh at the crazy stuff that’s gone down in our house lately. Stuff like that really helps. –Genna M.
15. Ok. I’m going to be 100% honest and lay it out. Want to know what keeps my marriage hotter than ever? Sexting. Yup, I said sexting. I once had a therapist friend tell me she feels texting- and all it’s derivatives- has saved many marriages. It allows couples to flirt, avoid embarrassment and admit stuff even the closest husband and wife might be shy saying face to face…For some it’s lingerie or candlelight dinners. But for us it’s fun, flirting and just a hint of naughty! –Vicky W.
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