When I was a teenager, I always got really embarrassed when I had to tell my mum I had my period so she knew to put tampons and pads on her shopping list.
I just couldn’t bring myself to say the words, and went out of my way not to.
“It’s THAT time.”
“I got IT this morning.”
At the time, I felt like I was being EXTREMELY clear to her, but my mother is not a very subtle person, so she always made a production of looking confused and asking me what the heck I was talking about.
Which often resulted in me slamming off to my room yelling things like, “NO ONE LISTENS TO ME IN THIS HOUSEHOLD!”
As I got older, I became better at using grown-up words, but for whatever reason, I still turn a deep shade of red whenever I say the word “period” in front of my husband. I don’t know why, but that word feels icky and dirty and wrong to me.
The good news is that the internet has provided me with an endless supply of funny ways to break the news to my husband when I’m unable to engage in extracurricular activities, and just in case you’re as immature and ridiculous as I am, I thought it would be helpful to share my favorites with you.
1. Sorry babe, but I have the Girl Flu.
2. By the way, I’m having the painters in tomorrow. They should be gone by the end of the week.
3. Code Red! Code Red!
4. I’m serving The Red Dot Special tonight. Consider yourself warned.
5. I’ve been Flying The Japanese Flag all day. And I’m wiped.
6. Aunt Fanny called. She’s coming to say with us for 5-7 days.
7. Not tonight, honey. I want to finish Lining the Drawers.
8. Wow, did you look outside tonight?! The Red Moon is Rising!
9. I’m going to check into The Red Roof Inn for the rest of the week. You’ll be okay without me, right?
and, my personal favorite…
10. Sorry sweetie, but it’s Leak Week.
Of course, my husband is even less subtle than my mother (if that’s even possible), so all of these cutesy things are totally lost on him.
But I think I get an A+ for effort.
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