“You have lipstick on your teeth”…and a giveaway!

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When I was pregnant with my daughter, I read 2, sometimes 3 books a week.

I’d like to tell you I read things with substance, like Shakespeare, Austen, and Bronte, but the truth of the matter is that I spent 9+ months working my way through Barabara Delinsky’s entire catalogue.

I blame it on the hormones.

Sadly, my love affair with cheesy romance novels came to a screeching halt when I brought my colicky newborn home from the hospital, and by the time she started napping in her crib and sleeping more than 6 hours at a time, I had started this blog, so it takes me approximately 7 months, 4 days, and 22 seconds to get through a book these days.

But when I found myself in a funk and unable to sleep last week (more on that tomorrow), I remembered I’d downloaded the bestselling book “You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth” to my Kindle a couple of weeks ago. I’d already read a few of the essays, but hadn’t actually sat down and read it from cover to cover yet.

So I poured myself a glass of wine, puffed up my pillows, and started at the beginning, and I spent the next 2 nights laughing my bum off. In fact, I laughed so hard, I woke my husband up a couple of times.

Which is a miracle in and of itself.

If it was up to me, I would sit here and gush about every single essay in the book, because they all made me laugh out loud. But since I actually want you to BUY THE BOOK, I figure I’ll just highlight some of my favs.

You Have Lipstick on Your Teeth

Meredith Spidel of The Mom of the Year made me feel better about my shoe, jean, and sweater fetish when she admitted she spends 95% of her time ordering dresses online. But now I’m completely terrified to meet her in person because I wouldn’t know what to wear, and I’m pretty sure she’ll make me organize her closets for her.

Leslie Marinelli of In The Powder Room and The Bearded Iris (and the editor of the book!) talked about her dysfunctional family dynamic and her ongoing struggles with sibling rivalry, and then dropped a bomb and admitted she has a favorite. GASP!

Noa Gavin of Oh, Noa. made me appreciate my husband like never before when she admitted her husband dries his balls at the dinner table. I’m not even joking. But don’t worry! She “farts like a monster in bed”.

Amy Flory of Funny is Family talked about hummers with her mom. And I’m not talking about the SUV. She was also co-founder of The Anti-Blowjob Club.. And now I’m officially in love with her.

Suzanne Fleet of Toulouse and Tonic recounted her worst first date ever, which involved booze, an accountant, and an unfortunate incident with the one-eyed monster.

Lady Estrogen of Adventures in Estrogen, who always makes me laugh with her openness about sex, convinced one of her BFFs to do the unthinkable…and now I’ll never be able to look at cauliflower without thinking of her nether regions.

Kim Bongiorno of Let Me Start by Saying gave an honest blow-by-blow of what life as a parent is really like, from why you should think twice about watching yourself give birth through the aid of a mirror, to the “My Sanity Was Delivered With My Placenta” (her words, not mine) emotions motherhood brings with it.

Angela Shelton of AngelaShelton.com told a HILARIOUS story about her masturbating grandma that involved an onion bag, a bar of soap, and a washcloth. I now want to have drinks with her grandma in my next life.

Allison Hart of Motherhood, WTF? made me laugh until I had tears and snot streaming down my face with her tale about oral hygiene. I cannot do the story any justice. You just have to trust me and read it. You can thank me later.

Shoot. I could go on and on. There were so many other awesome essays in the book.

The good news? I’m giving away 3 free copies of the Kindle version of the book. All you have to do is enter using the Rafflecopter below. And since Amazon has finally released the Kindle in Canada, you crazy Cannucks can enter, too!

Good luck, and happy reading!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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Gwen is a 40-something freelance writer and social media consultant who has an unhealthy love for makeup, hair, and fashion. She lives with her husband and 9-year-old daughter in Toronto, Canada and hopes to move to a warmer climate someday. Preferably tomorrow.