5 reasons I’m never potty training my child. Ever.

One of the things that has shocked me the most about motherhood is how, every time we settle into a good routine, something happens to shake things up again.

Sleep regressions, teething, introducing solid foods, switching from formula to whole milk, daylight savings, colds, fevers, ear infections, middle-of-the-night fire alarms, transitioning to 2 naps, transitioning to 1 nap, transitioning to no naps, traveling…

The list is endless.

Having just bid adieu to naps forever, survived 2 trips across the country by myself with my toddler, and welcomed the 2-year molars into our lives, I finally felt like things were going to calm down for a bit. But then my husband had to open his mouth about potty training. He’s been desperate for this kid to start flushing her own bodily fluids down the potty since she was about a week old, which I find really funny seeing as she doesn’t do diapers.


And no, I’m not exaggerating.

So whenever I yell for him to grab me some more wipes when I’m up to my elbows in our daughter’s poo, and he says something like, “just think how easy OUR life will be when she’s not in diapers anymore!”, I feel a little…annoyed.

But now that our daughter has reached the 2-and-a-half-year mark, I’ve started to wonder if he has a point. Maybe it is time for me to bite the bullet and start potty training her. So I’ve been doing some research, and I spent the last 2 nights reading about readiness signals, rewards charts, and effective ways to encourage her to pee on the potty, and I’ve also read countless debates about using potties versus toilets, adopting the naked versus clothed approach, and the merits of moving straight to underpants versus investing in Pull-Ups.

And now I’m scared out of my mind.

And I’m pretty happy to just leave her in diapers until she goes to college.

The child is sitting on chamberpot at home

1. I hate public bathrooms. And I avoid them at all costs. In fact, I’d much rather pee on the side of the road then subject myself to the horror of squatting over a public toilet. It just seems so…disgusting. But once potty training starts, I’m pretty sure I’m going to spend about 50% of my day hanging out in public bathrooms, and I’m not sure my OCD will be able to handle it.

2. I don’t like messes. Or germs. A lot of people say that Pull-Ups are a waste of time and money, and that potty training is more effective when you just ditch the diapers and put your kid straight into underpants. But that sounds really, really messy to me. Just thinking about it makes me want to splash bleach all over my living room.

3. I can’t stand being tethered to the house. Between the nightmare of wrangling a 2-year-old into snowsuits, gloves, and boots, the misery of public bathrooms, and the number of accidents that are bound to happen while my daughter is mastering how to pee (and poo!) in the potty, I can’t see myself being overly motivated to leave the house again in this lifetime.

4. I need my beauty sleep. Apparently, a child who was once sleeping through the night often starts waking up again so she can pee. And since the chances of my husband embracing middle-of-the-night potty training (or any potty training, for that matter) is slim and none, I cannot see how this will be overly rewarding for me.

5. I hate doing laundry. I’ve read that some kids don’t grow out of the whole bed-wetting thing until they’re 5. Were you aware of this? Because that is a lot of pee-soaked sheets, my friends.

The only upside of this whole potty training business is the blog fodder it will provide me with.

Because I know how much you are all dying to hear about my daughter’s bowel habits.

Do you have any potty training advice for me?


Dani is a 30-something freelance writer and social media consultant who has an unhealthy love for makeup, hair, and fashion. She lives with her husband and 4-year-old daughter in Toronto, Canada and hopes to move to a warmer climate someday. Preferably tomorrow.